CSI; GREGGS

FESTIVITY OF PACKAGING;


Wow. This takes "not festive" to a whole new level. I guess the least festive thing that exists is the January credit card bill. Well, at least looking at that reminds you of Christmas. This packaging is the Christmas equivalent of leaving a casino at sunrise in the middle of July nursing a hangover and a dry mouth and wondering what a turkey is. The most festive thing about this packaging is the word "Christmas" and it's not even in a festive font. Because the whole wrapper is see-through, the predominant colour of the packaging is brown. Terrible. There's a bauble motif and a single golden star on the label, which just about manage to drag this away from simply being a sandwich in a box.

2/10

DEPTH OF FILLING;

I like the look of this. It's uneven, wanton almost. Centre loading of stuffing, which is a little silly because it distorts the sandwich, but I can also see there's a decent volume of turkey in there and they don't look shy on bacon or cranberry and no green abominations. There's the something of a free spirit about this sandwich, but I'm quite sure it doesn't annoyingly do fire-poi outside your tent at 4am.

7

RATIO OF FILLING;

Somewhere between decent and good. Under the turkey there, I can see a great deal of mayonnaise, but it's not spewing over the edges like a pubescent savoury volcano. The stuffing needs to be better distributed, but turkey to bacon seems good, as does actual amount of stuffing. Decent.

7

OVERALL FLAVOUR

Bite. Stuffing, initially. Strong flavour and texture, and it's definitely Paxo in nature. The textures all sit nicely in my mouthpiece, each chew a symphony for the teeth. I am struggling to taste turkey here, so strong and dominant is the stuffing. The bacon, too, succumbs under the weight of the stuffing. "WHY WONT YOU LOOK AT ME?!" the turkey screams at my tongue, as the stuffing continues its explicit dance in my mouth. "Because the stuffing got less on and she's shaking it right at me", I concede. Dejected, the pretty turkey puts on her cranberry and bacon two-piece back on and ambles back into the dressing room of my stomach, unnoticed. My tongue takes the stuffing home, wondering what might have been if the turkey had been just a little more forceful. That was the least-apt Christmas Sandwich parable I've come up with yet.

11

CONCLUSION

A hastily assembled sandwich that needed more respect for its contents. A good Christmas Sandwich is an ensemble, like Take That or Girls Aloud, where there's a definite best singer, but the other ones get a turn. This was Diana Ross and the Supremes. And the worst one of the Supremes was feeling bold.

*************************************************************************

12 SANDWICHES OF CHRISTMAS SCORING

FESTIVITY; 2
FILLING; 7
FLAVOUR; 5.5

OVERALL; 4.8