CSI; SAINSBURYS

FESTIVITY OF PACKAGING

Yeah, reasonable. They've gone for a red and orange motif, like a birthday candle set against a sunset, or some of blood on a can of Fanta. I think it's meant to symbolise wrapping paper, which is quite Christmassy, but not as Christmassy as if they'd just put the sandwich in a football sock and hung it off of a fireplace. There are some swirly fireworks which incorporate holly and snowflakes, but the font is standard Sainsburys, which is bloody lazy. The side of the box is a bit more high-design and looks the wrapping paper Ebeneezer Scrooge may have used for his gifts of guilt to Bob Cratchett’s family. All Victorian and sinister.

6

DEPTH OF FILLING

Pretty average here. I can see uniformly cut tiles of turkey and layers of bacon and a fairly robust smearing of red at each border of the sandwich. There’s a hint of green evident, but so little as to wonder why they bothered at all. Maybe they only wanted to half ruin the sandwich, not completely. The extreme edges of the sandwich look like they might be dry and the stuffing looks like it’s been used as an adhesive rather than an ingredient.

6

RATIO OF FILLING

Early indications a similar level of bacon to turkey, which is not that clever. Ingredient information suggests this is not the case, but unless my eyes deceive me, there’s not as much between them in this sandwich. One side of the bread has been absolutely slathered with cranberry and looks like Dracula’s napkin. There are weird smatterings of lettuce and I cannot define the stuffing. There’s a sage and onion mayo here, apparently, and the stuffing looks like it has whisked into it. Bacon looks tasty though, I’ll say that for it, but the stuffing concerns me.

6

OVERALL FLAVOUR

Bite. Stuffing first. It’s sagey, perhaps overly so. Not much flavour of turkey here, or bacon, not yet. Something flavourless crunches in my mouth. I cannot be sure what this is. I assume it’s lettuce. Second bite dumps a load of cranberry into my mouth, which merges with the stuffingmush to create the sensation that someone has just fed me a teaspoonful of jam, which they farted on a minute ago for a laugh. The centre bite harvests every ingredient into my mouthpiece, and yet my pert tastebuds cannot decipher any turkey here at all. Second half of the sandwich is the same. The turkey, even in isolation is fairly bland. I power through the whole sandwich, never encountering a solitary taste of anything but cranberry and wet sagey mush. A streak of the bacon briefly blows my tongue a kiss, but it’s too late. This is not very nice.

10

12 SANDWICHES OF CHRISTMAS SCORING;

FESTIVITY; 6

FILLING; 6

FLAVOUR; 5

OVERALL; 5.6

In conclusion, this is a sandwich that is ill conceived and poorly executed. It tastes like a public execution. My tastebuds straining over one another to catch a glimpse of the action, but there are really tall people standing right in front of the gallows. And they’re made of cranberry.