CSI; MARKS AND SPENCER

FESTIVITY OF PACKAGING;

There's a Santa there, but not a normal Santa. It's one of those ones you get in shops where you get cast iron doorstops in the shape of a cat and faux-rustic lavender scented cushions. There's a vague snowy scene and some coniferous vegetation along the top, like a wallpaper border in a country kitchen. On closer inspection, the window into the sandwich is enclosed in a rudimentary bauble shape. It's better than previous M+S entries, but it's too classy to be considered anything close to jolly. It's Patrick Stewart in a panto. Good, but you want Biggins, dont you?

6

DEPTH OF FILLING;

Strong. A uniform density across the whole latitude of the sandwich. There's no centre loading, all edges look fulfilled. It looks like if I freeze-dried it, I could use it in a step aerobics class. All individual ingredients are visible and I cannot see the slightest hint of green. I dont see any reasonable way this could be fuller. Anything more than a chocolate digestive and an actimel after this, I'm going to feel uncomfortable.

9

RATIO OF FILLING;

Initial impression good. Good-sized chunks of gobblebird, evenly distributed and the bacon looks well judged in terms of colour and volume. The volume of stuffing looks accurate as well. Cranberry seems good. According to the ingredient information, there should maybe be slightly more bacon, but, for me, this looks as though it could have been assembled by the pedantic offspring of Carol Vorderman and Brian Cox.

8

OVERALL FLAVOUR;

Bite. The extreme edge is actually quite dry, but the bread is fresh and tasty. The turkey sneaks in to the back of palate, quietly, like it's reading my tonguebuds a bedtime story. It's good quality turkey. Still a little dry, but the cohesion of the ingredients is good. Alchemy. The cranberry is at optimum sweetness, giving butterfly kisses to my throat as it travels down on the salty bacon. The second half of the sandwich is better, still. It tastes Christmassy, almost as if you made it at home yourself, and didnt spread the mayo enough, because you were too excited to eat it. This is as close to homemade as shop-bought gets. It's Boxing Day, 10pm, after a brisk walk back from 5 pints in the local. Well done M+S.

16

FESTIVITY- 6

FILLING- 8.5

FLAVOUR- 8

TOTAL- 7.5

CONCLUSION;

This is a great sandwich. It suffers from a lack of festivity in the packaging, but to all intents and purposes, it's easy to imagine this being the sandwich that Santa himself eats on the drive back to Lapland. And he may even look at the package and think- "when did they see me wearing my casual clothes?"